We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
