you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
