I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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