How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
