Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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