btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
