Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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