Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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