Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
