when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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