It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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