I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
