You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
