...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
