did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
