like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
