Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
