there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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