We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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