Duck Duck Cougar?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
