I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
