Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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