But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
