i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
