there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
3pm strippers are depressing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
