ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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