i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize