the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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