just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
