It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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