you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
