Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
