I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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