Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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