I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
tell me about the eggs
You did what with his pubic hair?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize