I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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