hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
