I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
