Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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