i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
