the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize