Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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