if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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