went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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