you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You are the jesus of drinking
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
