I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
