and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You're like the curious george of whores
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
