sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
