I don't usually arrange sex via text message
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
