Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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