Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
