I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
