I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
