so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
