i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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