OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
