I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
