The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
