I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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