dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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