so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
