have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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