i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
