The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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