I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
