We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
