I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
