Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
