whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
