my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
