Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and she was petting her beer can
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
