I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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