i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
