He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
