I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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