oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
