What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
