i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize