You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
