dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
