i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
