I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize