HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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