He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
