Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
