We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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