your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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