I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
