at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
