Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
